Personal Musings, Yoga At Home

My Experience in Savasana

Savasana

The period in your yoga practice where you delve deep into your mind and face demons you may not be ready to face.

At least, that’s what it means to me.

Savasana is worldwide known as one of the hardest yoga poses we can accomplish in our daily practices. It requires total letting go of the body and total awareness in the mind. It’s an amazing pose that does wonders for your health.

But what if you have demons in your mind? What if letting go meant surrendering to those memories you bury so deep within?

I ask these questions because not long ago, I was confronted with a harsh reality during my practice.

As I lay there in savasana, feeling satisfied with my practice, I started to become aware of that door you never open in your mind. The one where you are always, for as long as you can remember, clutching at the doorknob, straining to keep it closed.

I felt this stress in my mind; the push from me, desperately trying to keep it tight shut and the constant, unyielding force of the door, trying to budge it open, inch by inch. And I thought I was ready to open it. I really wanted to let go. The earth was so close to holding me, I just needed to release that tension.

I should have let it be.

Almost everyone has an experience in their past they want to forget, bury it deep and lock the door. I’m learning that the longer you let a traumatic and horrible moment in your life sit in your heart, the harder it becomes to let it go. It’s a stone in your throat, you can’t swallow it and you can’t spit it out. The stone sits there, always on the verge of release.

In savasana, you have to let go, to surrender; but how can I do that with a stone in my throat and a demon in my mind?

It takes a strong person to let those memories become what they are, memories, instead of giving them life. But I am not strong enough, not yet. I don’t know when I will be. But that’s the beauty of yoga, it’s never ending and so I have to believe that it will give me the tools necessary to deal with the past. Knowing this, I can step back onto my mat with purpose again.

If you have a demon in your mind, a stone in your throat and a door you never want to open, that is okay. I understand. You are not alone. So I will warn you of the dangers of savasana if you are not ready. Thread lightly, breathe deeply and twitch a finger every now and then, to really bring yourself back to the present.

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